Happy Update

Looking back through my last few posts, I see a trend in how I've thought about my recovery.  At first my recovery was easy and almost fun with pain killers taking away all the pain and people doting on me, but now I'm feeling defeated and sorry for myself.  As I type that, I realize how disgusting that sounds, but I promised I would be honest in this blog. The honest dirty truth: the surgery and week after had been easy for me. My pain was easily manageable, moreso than than my period cramps. I was getting meals cooked for me, people were pampering me, and I wasn't having to work at all. It was easy to be optimistic on how I was recovering and enjoy the doting. A couple weeks after surgery though, I felt like I hit a wall. I was supposed to be nearing the end of my recovery stage. The friends and family who haven't gone through it are expecting me to be mostly recovered. More importantly, this is what I expected too! But my pain seemed to be getting worse in my right breast and my energy wasn't back to what it was, and this made me regress emotionally too. Why had I not knocked out the healing from this surgery? Why am I still sleeping till 12pm and needing naps? My sister L encouraged me to go easy on myself. She made me feel like less of a wimp, but that is still what I felt like. A wimp and a fake. Tons of women who actually HAVE breast cancer go through this surgery and worse. Then they have to pick up their lives. Here I was, having this minimally invasive surgery (remember I had over the muscle reconstruction) and Im boo-hooing about some pain in my breast almost 4 weeks out.

So, how is this a happy update? Well this morning I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. My husband has been urging me to wake up earlier than my normal 12pm to start preparing for my return to work on Monday. I woke up at 10am feeling extremely sluggish. I was dragging. I decided though that I had to put my body in motion. I gave myself a little pep talk and turned up my country music. I showered, put my hair up, and put make-up on for the first time since surgery. I even put clothes in the wash (thats as far as they made it so far!). I was proud of my success.

Then off to a visit with my nurse practitioner who is taking over my fills while my PS is in Tel Aviv! My PS hadn't left on his trip yet so I told my NP about the ongoing pain in my right breast, which she was familiar with. She did another ultrasound and brought my PS in. He explained that my internal stitches were right where my pain was. One seemed to be coming un-done. He recommended heat to help dissolve the stitches. Both the NP and my PS reminded me, I'd never had surgery before. It was normal to feel exhausted. My body will recover at it's own pace. I felt relieved. I wasn't a wimp. He even suggested I take one more week off of work, since I had been in pain and would quite possible be in pain for a little while longer. He had the NP write me a note to extend my LOA and off he went. He's really great! The NP gave me a fill and she talked about the seroma above my expander on my right breast. She explained that if when she pulled the fill needle out, yellow fluid came out, she would drain the seroma. Of course, that's what happened. So she took another comically large needle and extracted the fluid. 200 CCs of it. That's an entire cup size. I was instantly granted relief on the underside of my breast. We theorized that the seroma was causing extra pressure against the stitches.

My lesson of the day: be gentle on yourself. No surgery is "easy" on your body. Just because one person heals one way, doesn't mean I have to heal the exact same way or pace. Stop being your biggest critic and be your biggest fan. And realize that the doting you get from friends and family may not line up exactly with the hardest parts of your recovery.